The Second Line

I've been thinking lately about how the path toward getting pregnant for us seems a lot like driving in dense fog toward a destination we've never visited. We know where we want to end up, but we have no idea what we're about to encounter along the way or how long we'll drive before we get there.  We're seven and a half months (or eight cycles) into this thing and about $300 out of pocket, which feels like forever and a lot to me, but is a drop in the bucket compared to some folks' fertility investment (in money, time, and  emotional energy). When I sat in waiting room at my OB/GYN's office this week, in some cruel twist of fate, I watched not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR women in various stages of pregnancy stop by the front desk to cheerily schedule or check-in for their ultrasound appointments. The one other woman in the waiting room with me that didn't appear to be pregnant, and whom I silently adopted to be my seething partner-in-misery, w...

One thing I promised myself I would do with this blog, despite my preference for introversion and privacy, is share the steps of our fertility process. Not the sex, ya creeps, you gotta check my OnlyFans page for that. KIDDING! (And please don't look that up, Mom & Dad.) Anyway, something I've found lacking in my expert-level Googling is a clear, layman's description of this early part of the fertility process and what it all means. Yes, I've found plenty of medical webpages describing much of it, but even those leave a lot to the anxiety-riddled imagination. So for anyone who finds themselves in those first moments of realizing they may need medical intervention to make a béb é  or for anyone who is trying to conceive and wondering what comes next if it doesn't happen, this post is for you.  Of course, there's a disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or nurse, and these are my own experiences. You should obviously follow the advice of your physician, as your heal...

Time is a funny thing. In the weeks when I am waiting for a period or a positive pregnancy test, the days, minutes, even seconds, seem to crawl by "as slow as molasses in the winter" as a friend used to say. On the other hand, I can't believe it's already been seven months of trying to get pregnant. I feel like I just got used to the idea, after decades of trying my damndest to not  get pregnant, that my husband and I are actually trying to have a baby on purpose. So it feels entirely surreal that this week  I had to call my doctor to make a fertility evaluation appointment. Because I'm an "older" [insert clenched jaw and eyeroll here] patient, I'm told that it could take years to get pregnant. But for the same reason, we're also advised to waste no time making this fertility evaluation appointment. Just typing those words - "fertility evaluation" - feels like a mistake or like I'm writing about someone else. I hesitate before strik...